What Is the Meaning Behind Sacrificial Innocence?

This painting was inspired by a very transformative period of my life—the most isolated and emotional I had ever been. At the time, I was primarily motivated to create this based on the negative experiences I was having in my dating life. It was like every guy I was meeting was the same, a replica of my father. Arrogant, entitled, and selfish. When dating these sorts of people, every time they hurt me, it felt as if the little girl in me was continually being bruised. And much like my father, they all had a sorry excuse that justified that bruising.

I felt like their sacrificial lamb. Despite doing nothing to deserve this, I was their stepping stone; the person they had to conquer in order to realize the cruelty of their ways. My heart had to be beaten and slain for them to grow. In terms of my father, he sacrificed the love and care he should have given me emotionally to prioritize his work, and therefore, the neglect could be canceled out because he made things happen financially. It took my heart getting broken twice for me to realize I had enough and that there was better than this. And so, I painted Sacrificial Innocence.

It was my opportunity to release every emotion—the pain, the heartache, the emotional turmoil—everything. And after I finished this painting, I told myself I would never revisit these feelings again. I would never allow someone to hurt me the way they did again. It also took a level of self-reflection to come to this point. I began to analyze myself. I asked, What is it about me that’s attracting these sorts of men, and why do I like them back?

It took me two months, night and day, religiously working on this painting. Within that time, I began to delve deeper into who I was. Exploring that question helped me come to terms with my experiences. When I uncovered the root of my pain, accepted things for what they were, committed to bettering myself, and forced myself to forgive, the desire to feed into those feelings simply faded.

I no longer found solace in being a victim. That wasn’t comfortable anymore. Painting this self-interpretive portrait was my way of reclaiming my power. I channeled those negative emotions into something I could be proud of—that’s what art is to me. It’s my outlet. It’s my source of comfort. It’s my place of worship.

I allowed God’s spirit to move through me, cleansing the darkness within. And from that, I created something beautiful.

This is the true meaning behind Sacrificial Innocence.